Custom Decor By the People, For the People

I love decor websites!  Sofas, paint, additions, bathrooms, even dog houses: they are all a feast for my eyes and imagination.  As I have become more aware of my minimalist tendencies, I have become less impressed with the standard of decor, not because it isn’t pretty, but because of its lack of personality.

Most images of professionally designed interiors, especially minimalist interiors, could belong to absolutely anyone.  There are only a few designers who seem to reach beyond the ideal of beauty to the feel of a personalized home.  David Bromstad was one of the first designers who made the idea of a simple, colorful room appealing to the masses.

(c) The House In Good Taste, Elsie de Wolfe, 1913

Elsie de Wolfe in her 1913 book, The House in Good Taste, was the first to talk about interior decorating and simplicity in the same sentence.   Like the architects in The Fountainhead, designers before de Wolfe had focused on creating an aesthetic, not a home.  In today’s designers we see this tradition carried out in impersonal, yet exactingly decorated interiors.  De Wolfe’s emphasis on function and proportion made rooms enjoyable to use, not just to look at.  Although we no longer match our comforters to our couches, we are still fascinated by beautiful, as well as functional rooms.

The goal of making your home not just livable, but pleasant to live in, as well as appealing to the eye, is not as big a challenge as it might at first seem.  Here are some steps you can take - in or out of order - to make your house homier.

1. Declutter.  You’re probably sick of this word, but the truth is in the pudding, as they say.  (No, I don’t know where that phrase comes from any more than you do.)  The simple act of removing what is not beautiful or used will give the feel of your room an about-face.
2. Stick with your Theme.  Don’t know what your theme is?  It’s YOU.  After years of pouring over interior decorating books, shows, and magazines, I have found that the most enjoyable room to live in and to visit is the one that freely expresses its inhabitants’ personalities.  Not only will the room become more relaxed when you stop trying to make everything match, but you will begin to see the story of your life in your surroundings.
3. Start with Favorite instead of Functional.  I have a large oil painting hanging over the fireplace in my living room.  It is, without a doubt, my favorite piece of art.  Choosing your favorite item and placing it first gives  you direction on how to arrange furniture.
4. When in doubt, use a Guide.  A guide can come in a few shapes and sizes.  It may be the color scheme in your favorite piece of artwork.  It may be the phrase, “it has to be comfortable to sit in.”  Your guide may be the helpful person at the paint counter.  Feel free to ask others’ opinions - and then completely discard them if you disagree.  The quickest way to know your gut instinct is to have someone go against it.

If this seems confusing, then remember this one rule:

If you love it, it works in your decor.

Give yourself permission to make your home as interesting and unique as you are by decorating it with your own life experiences in mind.

Your Defining Statement

I want to become the best Me I can be in this moment.

This has been my Defining Statement for several years.

What does it mean?  For one thing, it means I like myself.  Oh, I don’t like the outcome of all the decisions I make, and I am far from my ideal self.  But it means I recognize that I, like you, have a unique opportunity in the world, in history, and in the lives of the people I know:  I can achieve and be the person I am uniquely positioned to be.  Nobody else can be Lydia.  They may try to be like me, and may choose to emulate me.  But they cannot be me.

My defining statement means that I choose not to try to be someone else, or like someone else.  I choose to seek out opportunities unique to my life, and pursue them; to help people where I can and let go of things I cannot change; to improve myself daily, through physical, mental, or spiritual effort; to see the positive in my life and work to eliminate the negative. To focus on what is important and let go of things that are not meaningful to me.

All this is encompassed in my defining statement.  As short as it is, the words carry the meaning of all these ideas, and more.  It is an emotional statement for me, and one I believe is achievable.  My statement isn’t that I want to wipe out all the negative in my past.  It is an evolving, growing statement, that takes me from where I stand right now into a future of potential.

What is your Defining Statement?

Being Happy, not Happier

I visited my brother and his wife in Hawaii in 2011 and enjoyed several days of ideal weather, snorkeling, sailing, and eating.  In Oahu, where I was staying, whale season is from December to early May, and my greatest, and only, goal for my time in Hawaii was to see whales.  My brother booked us into a whale watching cruise on a catamaran, and we immediately began looking for whales to pursue for a close-up look.

A young boy, maybe 8 years old, almost immediately said he had seen a plume.  Under intense questioning, he maintained that there were whales in the direction he had pointed out, and the captain dutifully turned the catamaran, and its 50 or so passengers, in that direction.  As a half hour passed, and then an hour, I became increasingly annoyed.  It had been obvious to me that in the child’s excited state,  he had simply mistaken a whitecap in the somewhat choppy water for signs of whale passing.

As I grew more and more frustrated, making comments under my breath to my brother, I realized he seemed relaxed.

Of course, he would be, I thought.  He had seen whales during his time on the island.  He wasn’t working to a deadline enforced by a departing plane ticket.  But as we sailed along, we took up position in the catamaran’s net, which was strung between the twin hulls, the wind became enjoyable, the rocking of the boat lulling, and the alcoholic drinks, of which there were plenty, increasingly appeasing.

By the time we returned to dock, I had enjoyed the experience on the boat far more than the rest of our experience. Even with a brief moment when I had finally gotten to see a humpback’s fin, having followed directions at last from other tours which had spotted some.

I learned something on that three-hour tour (a three-hour tour...); I learned that I loved sailing on a catamaran more than almost anything else I had done before.  And I learned that when we are distracted by something we think we want, we most often fail to enjoy what we have.

Searching for happiness is the difference between looking for whales and enjoying the ocean.

You may think there is something else that will make you more content, more complete than you are now.  But  you are, essentially, only the cells in your body, your mind, and your breath.  What is around you at any moment can be seen as either “good” or as “not good enough.”  As Hamlet said, only thinking makes it so.

Family Fortunes: Cashing Out on Antiques and Heirlooms

“That has been in our family for generations.”  There is almost no more impressive statement regarding objects in our homes except maybe, “David Bowie gave that to me.”

Heirlooms are anything that has been of value to a relative, that we hope to inherit, and sometimes that we argue over when a loved one has died.  We cling to some items, hoping they will be worth a fortune someday and turn our lives around.  Others, we can practically feel the ghost of Great-Great Grandma breathing down our neck, forbidding us to get rid of the wedding gift from her best friends in Ireland.

Letting go of heirlooms can feel like a gamble - financially and emotionally.  But there are ways to help avoid missing out on your relative’s real gift of bringing joy into your life, and let go of what you no longer need.

1. Decide how much pleasure you receive from owning the heirloom.   No matter how much an object is worth, it is always possible that the joy you experience in seeing and using the item might outweigh any monetary trade.  I have art that is relatively worthless, but which I would not trade for less than the value of a small country estate.  The same may be true of your aunt’s, grandmother’s, or great-grandfather’s former possession.  Don’t let someone talk you into selling something you would regret letting go.
2. Consider the value, not just the price, of your heirlooms.  While it may seem like the “right” thing to do to set aside an ancient antique or trinket for your children or grandchildren, consider if the value of the object would be offset by the benefits the extra income could provide.  If you were to provide the heirloom, they would have a piece of family history.  If you were to sell the heirloom, the profit could be invested into your family’s future.
3. Have it valued by an expert.  Even if you don’t plan to relinquish an item, you should take the time to have antiques and heirlooms valued.  Even small items, like Chinese horn cups, could be worth a significant amount.  Don’t get your hopes up, but even if you plan to keep an item, it is worth knowing the actual value so you can have it properly insured.
4. Make sure it is insured.  Whether or not you’re selling an item, it is a good idea to have it insured.  If you were in the process of transporting your valuable piece to a buyer and it was damaged, you could lose the whole value of the piece.  Similarly, if it were damaged or stolen from your home, you would want to make sure it could be restored or replaced.
5. 

   Check with your family before selling it.  While you may not find the need for an antique armoire in your own home, you may have a relative who has always admired the piece.  Don’t be afraid to let them know you had the item valued and would be willing to sell it to them at a fair price, or ask to trade for an item you have your eye on.  Also, don’t be afraid to give a valuable piece to a relative as a gift.  Doing so could help you avoid steep taxation on “investment profits.”
6. Set aside tax money.  If you do sell an item, particularly for a high profit, be aware that you need to budget for paying tax on the difference between the original purchase price, such as what your great-great grandmother’s parents paid, and the sales price.  Check with your tax agent or research tax law on how much you will have to pay in taxes, and set at least that much aside for tax season.

Saturday Short: Minimalist Contentment

I admire cats.  They need so little to be happy.  My little guy, Brimley, lost the ear off his mouse.  When I asked Lizard Boy if he had seen it, he said he'd thrown it away.  So I patched up "Aristotle II" and sent him back to play with his buddy.

Brimley didn't mind the mis-matched ear.  He didn't mind that there is only one Aristotle, and he doesn't have a matching set.  (Aristotle I disappeared weeks ago and we never did find him).  He also doesn't mind that there are no ornaments on our tree, or that we don't sweep the floor often.  He is happy with a mouse toy and a patch of sun.  And I admire that.

"Time spent with cats is never wasted."  ~Freud

Life After Debt: Part 1

“I wish I had a million dollars.  Hot dog!”  Adolescent George Bailey’s famous words have quite a different meaning today.  But I have always loved asking people what they would do if they won a million dollars.

The dreams we indulge in when money is no object to our fantasies tells us a lot about ourselves.  Most people talk about having fun, buying cars or mansions, and living it up when their ship sails in.

While daydreaming is a fun pastime, the reality of having all the money you need is surprisingly obtainable.  We are out of debt, including the house, and still have a higher-than-average income.  One of my husband’s bucket list items is setting foot on the continent of Antarctica - a dream I believe we will accomplish within the next five years, despite its $20,000-plus price tag for two.

My lotto list has changed from horses, a house, trips around the world, and houses for all my family members to something a little more modest.  I honestly have everything I need, and the only things I still want will come to me in time.  Today, my “million dollar lotto” list looks more like:

Pay taxes - $300,000

Donate 10% - $100,000

Invest in my and my husband’s retirement funds - $500,000

Move up in house - $100,000

I might add “adopt 20 cats”  and “buy Lizard Boy a gecko” to that list at some point.  The reality is, a million dollars is only useful as far as it can set you up for the future.

My idea of wealth has changed now that I have my needs covered and we no longer owe anyone a portion of our paychecks.  No, I’m not always as magnanimous as I am right now.  Sometimes I wish we had more.  But when I consider where we are versus where we’ve been I can’t help but feel grateful, and believe everything we truly want is within our reach.  Even without winning the lottery.

Minimalist Fun

What do minimalists do for fun?  The answer is the same as for people who are debt-free, healthy, or still a child: Anything they want.

But if you think a life without piles of new purchases sounds like no life at all, I’ll remind you that only boring people are bored.  Here are some questions you can ask to alleviate the ennui:

1.       Have I gone for a walk today?  I don’t write much about exercise.  But if you are like 90% of people who don’t exercise, you are probably used to using my excuse: “I’m too tired or busy to work out.”  I want to challenge that notion: Chances are that you just don’t like activities that you perceive as exercise.  Instead of jumping on the treadmill or driving to the gym, start thinking of experiences you enjoy that get your heart pumping:

• Trampoline parks
• Water Park or Theme Park (think about all the walking!)
• Volleyball, basketball, tennis…there’s no sport that doesn’t introduce you to muscles you don’t use on the sofa.
• Take a hike…or a walk, or a jog.  Even a walking tour is technically exercise.  So are walking through a museum, a park, the zoo, or believe it or not, the mall.
• When’s the last time I read a book?  No, I don’t just mean a fiction book, though I love those.  This is a great time to do some extra studying and get your grades up.  Done with school but not crazy about fiction?  Pick up a “How To” manual, something For Dummies, or Winston Churchill’s autobiography.

3.       What new skill would I like to learn?  Rather than going out and buying materials that might get you interested in something new, focus on trying out new things on someone else’s turf.  Take an art/wine pairing class, a racquetball lesson, or a tour of a microbrewery.  You might find that whatever you try isn’t for you, but it’s just one of hundreds of experiences you can dip your toe into without buying the whole pool.

4.       Can you hear me now?  When is the last time you talked to your parents, your siblings, or even your friends from college?  Try reconnecting with someone you haven’t seen or talked to in a long time.  You could even ask your renewed acquaintance for ideas of new hobbies to try.

5.       How many things can I think of that I’m grateful for?  I know it’s an oldie, but it’s still a goody.  Chances are you’ve made a list in the past, but maybe it’s different now that you have some space in your home and budget.

Minimalism, simplicity, being debt-free, and just plain living your life is about finding the people and activities that matter to you and making - not finding - time to enjoy them.

Decluttering Backwards

Most decluttering articles focus on what you should get rid of, or how to store all the stuff you have.  This one does the opposite.

Step 1: Before going to bed, get a box.  This can be a cardboard box, a crate, a laundry basket, or a bag.  For the purpose of this exercise, I'm going to call your receptacle a box. The size of the box is going to depend on your goal.  If you want to be a minimalist, you won’t need a very big box.  If you have five kids, you might need a larger box, or better yet a box for each kid.  However, since I don’t recommend doing this for your whole family on the first day, I’m going to recommend a medium-sized box.

Step 2:  When you wake up, and as you go through your morning routine, take everything you USE and put it in the box.  Sound backwards?  Most articles tell you to take everything you don’t need and put it in the box, right?  Well, how are you supposed to know what you need or don’t need without studying that first?  Trust me, this way is simpler.

• Do not succumb to the temptation of “packing.”  Packing is when you’re trying to plan ahead for the future.  That's not what we’re doing.  We’re just taking what you are actually using and setting it aside.  We’ll deal with the other stuff later.  So, for me, I didn’t put my whole makeup bag in the box.  I only put my concealer, powder, blush, powder/blush brush, and mascara in it.   I zipped the rest of my makeup back up in the bag and put it back in my vanity drawer.

• If you go to work, leave the box at home.  Today, we are only concerned with your home, but you can certainly follow this model for other spaces. When you get home, continue putting whatever you use in the box. You are allowed to take things out of the box and use them again, just make sure they go back in the box once you have used them.

• Before you go to bed, put the clothes you wear into an empty laundry basket.  Feel free to re-wear clothes if you want to. You don't have to.  It will accumulate the clothes you wear throughout the week.  

• Continue this process every day for 5-7 days. Again, you are allowed to use items from the box, but you are not allowed to put items into the box which you do not use.

Step 3: At the end of the 5-7 days, take a good look at everything in the box and then look around at everything that did not end up in the box. Here's where you get the value of this exercise. You will have a very real view of what you actually use.  With this information, you can do a few things:

1. Become a minimalist.  Get rid of (donate or sell) everything you haven’t used in the last week and only keep what you have used.  You might not think I’m being literal, but I am.  It’s an option.
2. Get rid of everything you thought you used, but that you actually don’t: the extra makeup, hair products, clothes, electronic gadgets, shoes, food, etc., that you know you don’t use every day, but didn’t realize how little you need them on a weekly basis.
3. Buy an expensive organization system to store everything you own, and keep just using the stuff that went into the boxes. Or just pack it all up in free boxes from behind the liquor store.
4. Nothing.  Yup.  You can do absolutely nothing with this information, and just go back to juggling clutter.

This is the simplest and least emotional way I have found of calculating how much clutter you have in your house.

P.S.  This is a great exercise to start if your house is already somewhat tidy and your laundry is done.  That way you can get a realistic view of how simple your life can be and how little you need to live through your day. But you don't have to have a clean house and laundered clothes to declutter backwards. In fact, you might find cleaning easier once you've donated everything that you don't use in your life.

Minimalist Budget

Disclaimer: The key word here is budget.  “Spend ALL the monies!!!” does not qualify.

When I tried to engage my husband in budgeting in the past, he would get overwhelmed, increasingly more silent, and finally just frown at his hands.  Is it any wonder, when I was presenting him with this:

Yes, that’s a screen cap of my real budget.  It all makes perfect sense to me, but to a man whose idea of budgeting is “don’t drop below $1,000 in the bank account,” this financial bomb was enough to make his brain explode.

Understand that I revisit my budget on average 3-4 times a week.  I often fiddle with it, copying it into a new spreadsheet so I can play “what if” with our incomes, our savings, and even our various bills.  I actually enjoy doing this.  I'm a nerd.

But when it came to talking about money with my husband, all he heard was this:

Peanuts Characters and Comic Strip © Charles Schultz

I have despaired of my husband taking interest in our finances time and time again, but when I heard the idea of budgeting remaining dollars by percentage, something clicked.  Our bills are fairly stable, though they vary somewhat unpredictably between Summer and Winter.  So why not, for the sake of getting a picture my husband can actually understand, just make bills a single category?

The result looks like this:

Even I felt a sense of relief knowing that, suddenly, all I have to do is ask, “Do we want to save or spend more this month, or do you want to keep them each at 50%?”

I can still go into my spreadsheet and finick around all I want.  I can also expand the Bills tab to input the exact amount we’re spending on each item.

But when it comes to those big, monthly conversations, my husband can breathe an enormous sigh of relief and focus on the important part: What are we going to do for fun this month?

Breakdown

So here is the breakdown, and yes, it really is simple.

First: Make a list of  all your bills and their monthly amounts.  I found mine up to the nearest $5 to give myself a little wiggle room.  Your list might look like:

Rent/Mortgate: $1,000
Electricity: $200
Groceries: $250
Gas: $100
Etc.

Yes, I include food, cable, gasoline, pet care...everything that I know I need to spend to keep myself and my dependents alive during any given month.  Write down (or type out) the total of all your bills.

On our budget above, this comes out to $2057.55 because of a weird insurance bill that is static.  Yours might be $1,800, it might be $2,400, or it might be $250, if you're still in high school.  (Oh, how I miss the days when my only bills were car insurance and gasoline!)

Second: Subtract your bills from your total monthly expected income.  If you make $320 a month and  your bills are $250, that leaves you with $70.  If you make $4,000 a month and your bills are $2,500, that leaves you with $1,500.

Third: Assign your remaining funds.  Break them out into the categories of Give, Save, and Spend.  (Yes, you should always be doing all three of these.)  One month your Save might be bigger than  your spend, especially if you're saving up for something.  Another month, you might have more in your Give than in your Save category, if you make a larger than usual contribution to your church or charity.  The fun months are when you get to beef up that Spend category!

Moving Forward

Now that you have your bill total, you can use that number moving forward as your fourth, almost hidden category.  If you move to a new home, change your service provider, or notice a bill go up or down, you will want to recalculate your bills.  But if nothing major changes, you can let go of recalculating those numbers every month.

Essentially you can write your budget every month on 5 lines:

Income: _________

Bills:     _________
Give:     _________
Save:     _________
Spend:   _________

Knowing that your bill category is going to be a pretty consistent number in your budget lets you focus on the more important categories that help you engage in your community, reach goals, and have fun!