Saturday Short: Minimalist Realism

Minimalism will not help you escape your problems; it will, however, give you plenty of time to face them.

Saturday Short: Minimalist Challenge

Do Decluttering Backwards for 30 days, and get rid of everything you don’t use in that time period.

Married to a Minimalist: How to Talk to the Minimalist in Your Life

There are plenty of articles out there on how to deal with being a minimalist in a relationship with a non-minimalist.  Mostly, they focus around tolerance and small steps.

Since there are a lot more of "you" than of "us," I am going to take the opposite approach.  If you are in a relationship with a minimalist, here are some ways you can work to keep the peace:

I wish I really thought these old guys were talking about
minimalism.  I doubt they are.

• Understand that you don’t have to change anything.  You might feel like your minimalist is hinging their approval on the number of items you own.  If you are in a healthy relationship, your minimalist loves you whether or not you let go of any possessions.

• Thank your minimalist for their suggestions, and move on.  It’s okay to say, “That sounds like an interesting idea, but I’m not willing to do that right now.”  Often, your minimalist is trying to help and needs to know you have heard their suggestion, even if you don’t follow through with it.

• If your minimalist presses an issue, you can reply with, “Can we please drop the subject for now?  I would rather talk about something else.”  This is just good conversation skills and can be applied to any repetitive topic.

• Try to keep your things tidy.  Minimalism flare-ups often occur in two situations: something is missing or something is in the way.  If you can keep your possessions tidy, it will avoid these two situations.  Out of sight, out of mind.

• Let your minimalist know you aren’t relying on them to care for your stuff.  If you manage packing and moving your things, pitching in with laundry and cleaning, and keeping your things in good repair, it is reasonable to expect your minimalist to respect your desire to keep your things.

• Check your motives.  If you are resisting because your minimalist has an “I’m-right-and-you’re-wrong” attitude, try addressing the source of your resistance.  You can say something like, “I am open to letting go of some things, but I’m concerned that if I do, you will become over-zealous and insist on my doing more than I’m comfortable with.”  Be honest, but gentle.

• Remember that your minimalist wants the best for you.  Nagging is often a poor communication tactic for caring.  Ask your minimalist to explain how they think letting go of possessions will help you.  Most likely, their response will surprise you.

The Question in Minimalism

I’ve commented before on the increasingly popular activity of ranting against minimalism.  One writer calls it oppressive, another unsustainable.  My knee-jerk reaction to these comments is admittedly negative, perhaps because I remember spending three days jamming possessions into boxes when, as a 11-year-old, my family was forced to move from a large house to a tiny apartment due to my parents’ divorce.

The relief of knowing I can lose all my possessions and easily replace them all is a boon to me.

Anti-minimalists – because they aren’t just not minimalists but are public critics of the lifestyle – seem to be struck by terror that the minimalists are coming to take all their things away and force them to live with a single pea on their plate.  As shown in this graphic.  The horror.  They resist the fact that there is no Minimalist Inquisition arriving, and even hoarders are unlikely to be strapped to the rack and tortured until they deny their faith and take up the cross of minimalism.

While minimalists may practice decluttering or frugality religiously, it is, for the long-term minimalist, because these activities produce a greater sense of peace, prosperity, and even joy.  Nowhere is it written that, once minimalist, no person may ever purchase an extra pair of socks or eat a steak, though the self-righteous editorialist may decry him as heretical.

That said, I was struck by half a sentence in the single-pea article that made me view minimalism a little differently: “There’s an arrogance to today’s minimalism that presumes it provides an answer rather than, as originally intended, a question”.  The article goes on to (arrogantly) provide “the question” for the reader.  But the idea that minimalism is a question rather than an answer captivated me.

When I began self-identifying as a minimalist (long after my minimalist tendencies had taken hold), I found it annoying when minimalists would disclaim items they owned.  “I still have a TV,” some would say, or, “We eat out,” or, “I have a collection of lipstick.”  It was as if, by owning these items, the person was less valuable as a minimalist.  It seemed to me they were stating the obvious.  After all, nobody is ignorant enough to believe that all minimalists own only a single chair, or no furniture, are they?  Only a friendless minimalist is likely to be content without seating for guests.

The assumption seems to be that, when a person tells you she is a minimalist, the minimalist is ordering you to get rid of everything and live as a monk.

In Japan, I lived without a bed for two years not because I was a proudly sacrificial minimalist; I had never heard of minimalism.  Rather, it is culturally normal in Japan to sleep on a futon, fold it up and put it away every morning, as one might make a bed.  The act of placing the sleeping materials tidily out of the way was refreshing.  I “made my bed” daily in Japan because it reduced visual clutter, even though I wasn’t aware of the concept yet, and provided more space to live my life in until bedtime.

Back in the US, Lizard Boy and I have a bed.  Not only do we have a bed, we have a Sleep Number bed.  And we love it.  And yes, I am still a minimalist, not a Buddhist monk.

Why do I have a $3,000 bed?  For one thing, my husband and I like to sleep together, but do not like the same firmness of mattress.  For another, we saved our cash to be able to buy one, so by definition we were able to afford one.  In a way, sharing an adjustable bed instead of buying two separate beds is an act of minimalism, but minimalism was not the driving force in our decision.

So, what is this big question that minimalism is supposed to represent?  As the style of minimalist art was created by men and women who wanted to provide a new way of looking at art, the lifestyle of minimalism is about providing a new way of looking at life.  Minimalism is embodied in the question, “Should this be important to me?”  Sometimes, the answer is yes, and we keep the relationship, hobby, memorabilia, or $3,000 bed to share with our spouse.  Other times, like fearful and arrogant attitudes, the answer is no, and we shed those unimportant aspects of our lives and move forward with a feeling of freedom.

Saturday Short: Minimalist Giving

Give away something today, even if it is only a smile.

Common Sense

In exploring eco-friendly, minimalist, and Zen philosophies over the last couple years, I realized that they all hold a number of beliefs in common.  Minimalist, green, and mindful living are all different terms for similar ideas.  Here are some interchangeable concepts held dear by many movements toward simplicity:

1. Letting go of anything that doesn’t bring value to life.  Recognizing that possessions can be a burden as much as they can be a blessing has led many cultural groups to let go of excess possessions that are just weighing them down.
2. Awareness that money is a tool, not a commodity.  Our culture tends to forget that money isn’t worth the paper it is printed on.  Without a gold standard, money is only as valuable as we all agree it is.  Striving for money without purpose for how to use it is an empty pursuit.
3. Enrichment through experiences instead of purchases.  We’ve all heard the phrase, “You can’t take it with you.”  Even the pharaohs lost their possessions to grave robbers.  Whole industries are popping up with the focus of providing lifetime experiences to help families and friends bond and share memories that will last their whole lives.
4. Ideal-driven choices about spending, saving, and giving.  By defining ideals and standards, decisions are made before choices even appear.
5. Gratitude for what one has instead of consuming thoughtlessly.  Declutter, Spark Joy, Nirvana, all these ideas emphasize that you already have what you need, and by letting go of greed and wants, you can find peace in gratitude.
6. Relationships that are enriching instead of destructive.  Blood may be thicker than water, but not all relationships are healthy.  Letting go of relationships with people who are consistently destructive toward you is one of the best steps you can take to help yourself grow.

The Longest Day

I work a 50-hour a week job.

Don’t get all judgey on me.  And yes, I’m still an avowed/evolved minimalist.  (I should talk about how I discovered and warped into a minimalist some day.)

Weirdly, right now I consider that I get to work 50 hours a week.  If you had asked me a year ago, or even a couple months ago, if I would consider working 50 hours a week, I would have laughed in your face.  And probably made a real jerk of myself in the process.

But things change, and with no debt and my husband working evenings, a 50-hour work week seems to make a lot of sense.  Even if I got home two hours sooner, I wouldn’t get to see him until 8 or 9 at night, so the extra time is a blessing.

Here’s why  working 50 hours a week works for me right now:

1. 

   Overtime.  Duh.  Wouldn’t do it otherwise.  Extra money means I’m moving toward my goals faster.
2. The work.  I probably wouldn’t like it as much if I constantly had people demanding things of me.  In the job I’m currently working at, aka. temping, I am left fairly alone and trusted to get the things done for which I am responsible.
3. Minimal home responsibilities.  As a minimalist, I don’t have a ton of things to manage at home.  True, I should probably clean a little more than I do…”should.”  But if I don’t go home and do my laundry tonight it’s not the end of the world.  I’ll just wear the same thing tomorrow.
4. Learning time.  On my drive to and from work, as well as at work, I play podcasts that are uplifting and educational.  I turn my drive time from a nuisance to nutrition for my brain.
5. Focus.  I’m not working 50 hours a week because I am trying to pay off debt or improve a career.  I am working in a position that I’m enjoying and working extra to make more money for me, not debt.  This makes the work much more enjoyable than if I were focused on something arbitrary.

I know people who work 50, 60, or 70 hours and are just busy, not happy.  I don’t recommend that everyone work 50 hours a week. Happiness and a long work week are not mutually exclusive, though. When you are working because you want to and not because you have to, the whole story changes.

Besides, what else would I do?  Add another week to my monthly TV time?

Saturday Short: Minimalist Horror Story

Every month, I watch TV for a week: far less than most Americans.

A Month Of Clothes

There is a lot of talk around the minimalist community about clothes.  From what some would consider insanely tiny wardrobes to the philosophy that, if clothes is your passion, collect what you want; the only real consensus is that there isn’t one.

Many people struggle more with their closet than any other area of their house.  The truth is, balancing feeling confident in your clothes and keeping the list to a minimum can be tough.  So here are two lists, one for ladies and one for men, to give you an idea of a very real, and reasonable, way to have a new outfit for every day of the month without battling a bursting closet or feeling like you’re stuck in a rut.

Ladies’ Clothes List (48)
Outdoor Winter Coat Leather Jacket Casual Jacket/Hoodie Scarf Hat Gloves Warm Sweater Snow Boots	Swim & Sleep 2 Swimsuits Swim Cover-Up Summer Sleepwear Winter Sleepwear Slippers Bathrobe
Business (21 Outfits) 2 Skirts 2 Pants 5 Work-Appropriate Tops Blazer/Sweater Dress (Business Casual)	Casual/Weekends (10 Outfits) 1 Jeans 1 Shorts 2 Tank Tops 2 T-Shirts/Casual Tops Long-Sleeved Shirt
Loungewear Pair Yoga Pants/Comfortable Pants Loose Top	Shoes Running Shoes Casual Boots Sneakers/Casual Shoes Sandals/Flip-Flops Professional Flats Professional Heels Dress Shoes Work Shoes (mowing lawn, gardening, etc.)
Gym Pair Running Shorts Sweat-Wicking Top
Formal Cocktail Dress

Here’s a little explanation of what you’re seeing: if you are determined to wear a different outfit every day of the month, this gives you plenty of options.  With an average of 20 work days per month, four bottom pieces and five top pieces give you the perfect number to wear a different combination every day, and then start over again on the first of the next month.

Men’s Clothes List (45)
Outdoor Winter Coat Leather Jacket Casual Jacket/Hoodie Scarf Hat Gloves Warm Sweater Snow Boots	Swim & Sleep 2 Swimsuits Summer Sleepwear Winter Sleepwear Slippers/House Shoes Bathrobe
Business (20 Outfits) 3 Pants 5 Shirts (+5 Ties if Required) Suit Blazer/Sportcoat	Casual/Weekends (10 Outfits) 1 Jeans 1 Shorts 4 T-Shirts Long-Sleeved Shirt
Loungewear Comfortable Pants Comfortable Top	Shoes Formal Dress Shoes (Black) Casual Dress Shoes (Black) Casual Dress Shoes (Brown) Sneakers/Casual Shoes Running Shoes Sandals Boots (Work or Casual)
Gym Running Shorts Sweat-Wicking Shirt
Formal Tuxedo (Optional)

Granted, this list won’t be perfect for everyone.  If you are at the gym five days a week, you might want to beef up your workout wardrobe.  If you aren’t accustomed to formal events every month, you might forego the tuxedo and rent as required.  Ladies, it makes sense to have at least one cocktail dress, or LBD, in your closet for those unexpected events, and a business-casual dress works for a date or to mix up the work regime.

You may have been surprised to notice that there are only three more items in the ladies’ section than men’s.  Those, specifically, are the business-casual dress, a pair of casual high or low boots, and a swimsuit cover-up, each of which, obviously, could be foregone altogether.  We tend to think men’s and women’s wardrobes are extremely different but, realistically, we both have the same number of arms and legs, and wear very similar clothing pieces.

A note on swimsuits: you might think one is plenty, but if you are traveling, especially on vacation, it is far more comfortable to have a fresh swimsuit each morning, or even after meals, to hit the beach or the pool again.  While you could argue that one, or five, is the correct number, two is the basic necessity for being dry before you get into the water.

Minimalist Fun

What do minimalists do for fun?  The answer is the same as for people who are debt-free, healthy, or still a child: Anything they want.

But if you think a life without piles of new purchases sounds like no life at all, I’ll remind you that only boring people are bored.  Here are some questions you can ask to alleviate the ennui:

1.       Have I gone for a walk today?  I don’t write much about exercise.  But if you are like 90% of people who don’t exercise, you are probably used to using my excuse: “I’m too tired or busy to work out.”  I want to challenge that notion: Chances are that you just don’t like activities that you perceive as exercise.  Instead of jumping on the treadmill or driving to the gym, start thinking of experiences you enjoy that get your heart pumping:

• Trampoline parks
• Water Park or Theme Park (think about all the walking!)
• Volleyball, basketball, tennis…there’s no sport that doesn’t introduce you to muscles you don’t use on the sofa.
• Take a hike…or a walk, or a jog.  Even a walking tour is technically exercise.  So are walking through a museum, a park, the zoo, or believe it or not, the mall.
• When’s the last time I read a book?  No, I don’t just mean a fiction book, though I love those.  This is a great time to do some extra studying and get your grades up.  Done with school but not crazy about fiction?  Pick up a “How To” manual, something For Dummies, or Winston Churchill’s autobiography.

3.       What new skill would I like to learn?  Rather than going out and buying materials that might get you interested in something new, focus on trying out new things on someone else’s turf.  Take an art/wine pairing class, a racquetball lesson, or a tour of a microbrewery.  You might find that whatever you try isn’t for you, but it’s just one of hundreds of experiences you can dip your toe into without buying the whole pool.

4.       Can you hear me now?  When is the last time you talked to your parents, your siblings, or even your friends from college?  Try reconnecting with someone you haven’t seen or talked to in a long time.  You could even ask your renewed acquaintance for ideas of new hobbies to try.

5.       How many things can I think of that I’m grateful for?  I know it’s an oldie, but it’s still a goody.  Chances are you’ve made a list in the past, but maybe it’s different now that you have some space in your home and budget.

Minimalism, simplicity, being debt-free, and just plain living your life is about finding the people and activities that matter to you and making - not finding - time to enjoy them.

Decluttering Backwards

Most decluttering articles focus on what you should get rid of, or how to store all the stuff you have.  This one does the opposite.

Step 1: Before going to bed, get a box.  This can be a cardboard box, a crate, a laundry basket, or a bag.  For the purpose of this exercise, I'm going to call your receptacle a box. The size of the box is going to depend on your goal.  If you want to be a minimalist, you won’t need a very big box.  If you have five kids, you might need a larger box, or better yet a box for each kid.  However, since I don’t recommend doing this for your whole family on the first day, I’m going to recommend a medium-sized box.

Step 2:  When you wake up, and as you go through your morning routine, take everything you USE and put it in the box.  Sound backwards?  Most articles tell you to take everything you don’t need and put it in the box, right?  Well, how are you supposed to know what you need or don’t need without studying that first?  Trust me, this way is simpler.

• Do not succumb to the temptation of “packing.”  Packing is when you’re trying to plan ahead for the future.  That's not what we’re doing.  We’re just taking what you are actually using and setting it aside.  We’ll deal with the other stuff later.  So, for me, I didn’t put my whole makeup bag in the box.  I only put my concealer, powder, blush, powder/blush brush, and mascara in it.   I zipped the rest of my makeup back up in the bag and put it back in my vanity drawer.

• If you go to work, leave the box at home.  Today, we are only concerned with your home, but you can certainly follow this model for other spaces. When you get home, continue putting whatever you use in the box. You are allowed to take things out of the box and use them again, just make sure they go back in the box once you have used them.

• Before you go to bed, put the clothes you wear into an empty laundry basket.  Feel free to re-wear clothes if you want to. You don't have to.  It will accumulate the clothes you wear throughout the week.  

• Continue this process every day for 5-7 days. Again, you are allowed to use items from the box, but you are not allowed to put items into the box which you do not use.

Step 3: At the end of the 5-7 days, take a good look at everything in the box and then look around at everything that did not end up in the box. Here's where you get the value of this exercise. You will have a very real view of what you actually use.  With this information, you can do a few things:

1. Become a minimalist.  Get rid of (donate or sell) everything you haven’t used in the last week and only keep what you have used.  You might not think I’m being literal, but I am.  It’s an option.
2. Get rid of everything you thought you used, but that you actually don’t: the extra makeup, hair products, clothes, electronic gadgets, shoes, food, etc., that you know you don’t use every day, but didn’t realize how little you need them on a weekly basis.
3. Buy an expensive organization system to store everything you own, and keep just using the stuff that went into the boxes. Or just pack it all up in free boxes from behind the liquor store.
4. Nothing.  Yup.  You can do absolutely nothing with this information, and just go back to juggling clutter.

This is the simplest and least emotional way I have found of calculating how much clutter you have in your house.

P.S.  This is a great exercise to start if your house is already somewhat tidy and your laundry is done.  That way you can get a realistic view of how simple your life can be and how little you need to live through your day. But you don't have to have a clean house and laundered clothes to declutter backwards. In fact, you might find cleaning easier once you've donated everything that you don't use in your life.

Minimalist Budget

Disclaimer: The key word here is budget.  “Spend ALL the monies!!!” does not qualify.

When I tried to engage my husband in budgeting in the past, he would get overwhelmed, increasingly more silent, and finally just frown at his hands.  Is it any wonder, when I was presenting him with this:

Yes, that’s a screen cap of my real budget.  It all makes perfect sense to me, but to a man whose idea of budgeting is “don’t drop below $1,000 in the bank account,” this financial bomb was enough to make his brain explode.

Understand that I revisit my budget on average 3-4 times a week.  I often fiddle with it, copying it into a new spreadsheet so I can play “what if” with our incomes, our savings, and even our various bills.  I actually enjoy doing this.  I'm a nerd.

But when it came to talking about money with my husband, all he heard was this:

Peanuts Characters and Comic Strip © Charles Schultz

I have despaired of my husband taking interest in our finances time and time again, but when I heard the idea of budgeting remaining dollars by percentage, something clicked.  Our bills are fairly stable, though they vary somewhat unpredictably between Summer and Winter.  So why not, for the sake of getting a picture my husband can actually understand, just make bills a single category?

The result looks like this:

Even I felt a sense of relief knowing that, suddenly, all I have to do is ask, “Do we want to save or spend more this month, or do you want to keep them each at 50%?”

I can still go into my spreadsheet and finick around all I want.  I can also expand the Bills tab to input the exact amount we’re spending on each item.

But when it comes to those big, monthly conversations, my husband can breathe an enormous sigh of relief and focus on the important part: What are we going to do for fun this month?

Breakdown

So here is the breakdown, and yes, it really is simple.

First: Make a list of  all your bills and their monthly amounts.  I found mine up to the nearest $5 to give myself a little wiggle room.  Your list might look like:

Rent/Mortgate: $1,000
Electricity: $200
Groceries: $250
Gas: $100
Etc.

Yes, I include food, cable, gasoline, pet care...everything that I know I need to spend to keep myself and my dependents alive during any given month.  Write down (or type out) the total of all your bills.

On our budget above, this comes out to $2057.55 because of a weird insurance bill that is static.  Yours might be $1,800, it might be $2,400, or it might be $250, if you're still in high school.  (Oh, how I miss the days when my only bills were car insurance and gasoline!)

Second: Subtract your bills from your total monthly expected income.  If you make $320 a month and  your bills are $250, that leaves you with $70.  If you make $4,000 a month and your bills are $2,500, that leaves you with $1,500.

Third: Assign your remaining funds.  Break them out into the categories of Give, Save, and Spend.  (Yes, you should always be doing all three of these.)  One month your Save might be bigger than  your spend, especially if you're saving up for something.  Another month, you might have more in your Give than in your Save category, if you make a larger than usual contribution to your church or charity.  The fun months are when you get to beef up that Spend category!

Moving Forward

Now that you have your bill total, you can use that number moving forward as your fourth, almost hidden category.  If you move to a new home, change your service provider, or notice a bill go up or down, you will want to recalculate your bills.  But if nothing major changes, you can let go of recalculating those numbers every month.

Essentially you can write your budget every month on 5 lines:

Income: _________

Bills:     _________
Give:     _________
Save:     _________
Spend:   _________

Knowing that your bill category is going to be a pretty consistent number in your budget lets you focus on the more important categories that help you engage in your community, reach goals, and have fun!