Fear Sells

In the last month, what have you bought because you were afraid?  If you’re like me, your knee-jerk reaction is to say, “Nothing!  I don’t buy things because I’m afraid.”  You probably believe that all your choices and actions are based on well-founded logic, and that your emotions don’t drive your actions.

But what about being afraid that other people won’t like you?

What about being afraid that you won’t meet a goal?

How about being afraid that you can’t make the changes you want to make?

What about the fear of being stuck where you are and never getting out?

All these fears are sold to us on a daily basis.  Mark Manson writes, “A capitalist system markets to everyone constantly, therefore it promotes a society where people constantly feel inadequate, and inferior.”  We are told that we’re unhappy because we don’t own this product.  Or we are sold the idea that we can’t succeed at our goals without this special item.

The number one reason people abandon diets and budgets is not because they can’t reach their goal.  People give up when they make a mistake, that mistake leads to a fear of failure, and that fear leads to the decision to give up.

People don’t give up on goals because they can’t achieve them, but because they are afraid they won’t be able to achieve them.  Fear is what prevents people from improving their lives.  And yet we are sold fear by marketing agencies and even our government.

How would our country, our cities, our families, and even our individual lives be different if we took the time to build up and encourage ourselves and others, and to break the cycle of fear?  How would our need to buy change if advertisers were forced to use absolute truth in their commercials?

What if marketers had to admit that, by the time you got home, you would already know that what you bought wasn’t able to make you permanently happy?

What if people could stop speeding to work out of fear of a job loss, because they had no debt and had money in savings?

Where would we be as a society if, instead of telling people to acknowledge and fear other races, our government stopped mentioning race altogether, but simply served all its people?

Would you treat others differently if they treated you like a friend instead of an adversary?  Would they treat you differently if you did likewise?

How would your life be different if you held onto the truth that the life you have is already beautiful, without the constant purchase of gimmicks and status items?

Take 60 seconds today to think about one thing in your life for which you are grateful.  If you struggle to think of something, then take a minute to stand outside and look at a tree, the sky, running water, or a flower, and appreciate the beauty we still have in the world.

“The antidote to fear is gratitude.”  Tony Robbins

Facebook Purge

How many friends do you have?  Not people you can call on when you’re having a personal crisis, or who will travel across the country, or world, to go on a trip with you.  Those are best friends.  I’m talking about Facebook friends.

At current count, I have 124 Facebook friends.  That is, acquaintances with whom I’m willing to share private events and introspective thoughts.  Honestly, that number fluctuates on a 6-month basis, because I’m fairly picky about who I include as friends on Facebook.

Biannually, I go through my list of friends and cull anyone with whom I haven’t had some sort of interaction over the past six months: either me liking their posts, them liking my posts, or, heaven forfend, actually commenting on one another’s life events.

Likewise, in my “real” life – that is physical life and not virtual – I am pretty picky about with whom I choose to spend my time.

Which causes me to wonder: how pleasant am I to be around?

In real life, if someone doesn’t like what I’m saying, they can dispute my comments or walk away.  Most people try to avoid constant negativity in conversation, recognizing it makes them unpleasant to be around.  It’s hard to be friendly toward someone who argues the point of clouds having silver linings.

To this end, this month I’m going to perform an audit of my own Facebook posts over the past six months and see how I measure up.  Am I putting a lot of negative out there for my friends and family to know me by, or am I encouraging and expressing gratitude – which is how I feel most of the time.

Do you use your Facebook as a rant outlet or a crappy day meter?  Have you challenged yourself to only posting positive messages?

Practicing Gratitude

Start with one week.  Every morning when you wake up, think of three things for which you are grateful.

Bonus points: Select a new category each morning, ie. People, life experiences, possessions, physical characteristics of your body, holidays, teachers (school or life), etc.

As you go through the day, try to recognize each item you use and how much easier it makes your life.

Practice turning around frustrations:

• If you are frustrated that the traffic is going too slow, remind yourself to be grateful that you have a car, and don’t have to use public transportation.

• If you are annoyed by something not working how you want it to, remind yourself to be grateful that you have other options.

• If you are angry about someone else’s brash comments, remind yourself to be grateful for the value that person provides to your life.

• Even if you cannot think of something positive in a situation, you can always stop, take a deep breath, and be grateful that you are able to breathe and that your heart is still beating.